Runaway

Liberation — Freedom — Release —

Why are some of us so drawn to the idea of escaping it all? What are we escaping from? Is it the millennials that idolize the ignorant? Or the keyboard warriors that build themselves by tearing down others? Or maybe it’s the hard-stuck baby-boomers that refuse to adapt? Or the school systems that tend to the rich and gifted and base the worth of individuals upon their knowledge of inapplicable subjects? How about the guys that abuse women due to their own personal neglect? Or the girls that cry for a “nice” guy, and run at the first sight of respect. Do I need to get into the parents that feed their children candy for snacks, and cake for dinner? What happened to setting a good example? What happened to romance? Where are the people who have nothing to hide? Where are the adults that actually give a shit about the ones to precede them? What happens when this beautiful Earth has been overrun, over used, and over taken by the greedy “elite” that depend on its very existence?

I have no answer, I cannot provide a solution,  and I will not try to fix the problem.

In this life you can only know one thing for sure, and that is what resides in the boundaries of your existence. Everything else is above you, besides you, or beneath you. Some aspects outside of your knowing will become clear, or at least we hope that this is true.

We get on our hands and knees and look to the sky, to the clouds, to the stars and hope that there is someone, somewhere doing the same. Someone out there that is dreaming of a person in which only their soul can match, and your ideas can collide.

Along your way, you will encounter people that make you feel as if you’ve been brought together for a reason. Friends will become family. Moments will become lifetimes. Dreams will become reality. There is nothing more powerful in this world than relationships. Through real, genuine conversation and encounters you learn about yourself. We will never truly see ourselves through our own eyes, but we bond with those who are capable of witnessing everything that we are. With relationships, we are at the top of our ladders. When we find our people, the people you have no need to put a wall up for, the people you have no filter with, the people you share your thoughts, your dreams, your inspirations, and your fears with. These people will learn about you, you will learn about them, and through intertwining your thoughts and opinions  you will discover who, as an individual, you truly are.

Friendship is everything. Friendship will pick your ass up when you have nothing left. Friendship will fill your lonely nights, and give meaning to the cloudy days. Friendship will point you in the right direction, and it will guide you past your flaws, and lead you to your strengths. Friendship is a mutual respect, a bond of trust, and a devotion to a similar goal. This goal may vary, but between me and my friends — we have a similar goal. And many times we have discussed leaving all this shit behind, and starting over again — a blank slate, with nothing but our names on it.

But this is not realistic. Friendship is fulfilling, but it is simply not enough to last most of us a lifetime. When you picture running into the sunset, when you imagine an empty beach with two pairs of footsteps, or sitting under the tree along the broken path — you imagine this with your other half.

Growing up I believed in love at first sight, because this is how love seems to be portrayed in the movies and in famous love stories. During my teen years, this belief disintegrated. When you are in high school, you begin to learn what it means for a human to have depth. You sort out the beautiful and the believable, you mistake fronts for facts, and you experience heartbreak. You discover what it means to deliver a piece of yourself– your inner self– to another human, and you realize that you need to proceed with caution in partaking in this act.

You have a class with the “hottest girl in school”, and you are turned off by her lack of awareness, her stature which she thinks places her above the idea of succeeding in school, and plainly —  her absence of humanity.

Love at first sight is unrealistic, but I believe the phrase is often taken too literally. On multiple occasions in this life, I have encountered someone that instantly sparked every neuron in my entire body, as if the initial introduction of our souls actually occurred at a previous time, or in a different life. This feeling resembles a high; the words that spill out of your mouth require no thought. Your past holds no barring on what is happening in this moment, and when the moment has ended, you walk away stunned. You walk away and you ask yourself, “What the fuck just happened?” You don’t know. You don’t want to know. But you walk away with your head up, smiling, and with a little more faith in the world.

Some may chose to respond to one of these rare and natural occurrences with hesitation, especially if your past forces you to believe that this new person is simply another cold-heart in disguise. Some will not respond at all, and they will carry on with their lives as if the moment never occurred, and they will only look back with regret, and wonder why they have struggled to feel anything since. And a small few, will not think. This rare type of person will only react, and the newly formed friendship will thrive.

Your everlasting partner-to-be in this life, is just that. They are the second controller on your adventure, and this game is built to be easier, more exciting, action packed, and unpredictable with this person by your side. There are obstacles in this game that require you to be lifted upon your partners shoulders. There are winds too strong for one pair of legs to restrain. And through sickness and through health, you and your partner will achieve whatever it is the two of you desire when your game is completed.

The most difficult part of this journey — is timing. As the two of you ( though unaware of your future endeavors ) gather the materials necessary for your adventure, countless obstacles along the way will consistently kick you down, take everything you’ve worked for and destroy it. Your materials include confidence, compassion, courage, and faith among other characteristics you must carry in your fragile arms. You will struggle to hold on to these pieces, just as others will struggle as well, but eventually you will cross paths with another resilient player, prepared to venture into the unknown, with a set of priceless materials sinking into their tiring arms.

You must learn to not only pick yourself up off the ground, but leave the pieces of you behind that bare a massive burden on your soul. Carrying broken shards of trust issues, and boulders of insecurities built by those you’ve encountered previously, who dragged you onto their train of self-pity. Instead of picking these pieces up, notice the shine in their diamond-encrusted edges, and let them sink into the Earth, as those memories are no longer of any value to you.

Fill your arms with the tools needed to help you and your future partner succeed in your journey. Embrace those who help you along the way. And once you are both plugged in to the same game — Run. Run Far. Run Fast. Run away. 


 

Settlers/Discovers

I believe one of the most prevalent issues with this generation revolves around relationships. Not just romantic ones, but all relationships in general. The issue stems from a misunderstanding of self-worth.

I am not sure where this synthesized from, but it seems as if most people, when they find themselves dug into a toxic relationship, relentlessly try and fix the relationship, handing out chance after chance to someone who obviously isn’t treating them right. This is true in friendships and relationships, and it happens because we are scared to remove a part of our lives in fear of what life would be like without this person, even though that person has not created any positive memories in recent times. Instead, we fight to recover the past, and fail to see that the bridge you once crossed has long been destroyed.

We’ve all seen friends get into a long relationship and they disconnect themselves from the world with their significant other. And as time goes on they begin to experience doubt, and since they’ve long pushed away their friends, they realize that if they were to end their current relationship — they would have no one. Therefore, they decide to just deal with it. They convince themselves that they are happy enough. That they can live comfortably. They convince themselves  that this is the life I deserve. They settle. 

They look at their partner and can knock out point after point, describing each and every single aspect of that person that bothers them. They can list what is wrong with their relationship. And they can throw it around and point out the exact flaws their partner sees in them. And they just deal with it, because we convince ourselves that what we have is just enough.

For some people a life of that sort is fine. It is not bad. It could be worst. But who in their right mind strives for a life of mediocrity? But the idea of being alone, and discovering what else is out there — who else is out there — requires too much effort and risks too much pain for some people.

I’ve always been told that love hurts.

What? What kind of love is this referring too? Is this a love for heroin? Or a love for cutting yourself?

Love should not hurt. Love if anything should feel so that it hurts your head just thinking about it. But what do I know right? Im only 20…

But I’ve loved before, I’ve seen just how high it can take you. And there was never any pain– until it was over. So if love only hurts when it ends… well

We’ve given up on this idea of a perfect friendship and I believe it has occurred because people have edged away from the idea of being alone and actually being patient in waiting for that person to come into their lives. Instead it is a constant search of terrified, heartbroken young adults running around thinking that each person that actually looks into their eyes is their soulmate.

You must view your heart as any other muscle. Just like any other muscle, in order for it to grow and become stronger it must be broken down. Your puny heart at the age of 18 is not ready to accept the enormous and powerful eternal type of love that we all desire.

But we find ourselves in love at such a young age, and we either leave heartbroken and too scared to ever open our hearts again, or we convince ourselves that this very first person you’ve expressed love towards is the one you are prepared to love through sickness and in health for the rest of your life.

What you must realize is, is that when you know you are in love, you must see that it may very well be true love. And you must live, breathe, and learn about the feelings and the relationship that is created, and relish every moment of it. You must also see that neither you nor your significant other knows what the future may hold, and visualize the fact that your fate is not determined by anything else other than each other’s desires. And when the time comes, and if your heart no longer craves what it did before, you must make the conscious decision for the both of you — to move on.

Because there are settlers, and there are discoverers.

A settler will refuse to risk heartbreak, and may use the excuse that they don’t want to hurt the other person involved by ending it. Which is just a phony statement risen from fear. A settler will accept issues, not fix them. A settler will see flaws, because to them their partner’s issues will be seen as flaws.

A discoverer will one day find someone with no flaws. We’ve been told that we must learn to accept one’s flaws in order to truly love someone. Ok? But my soulmate has no flaws. She may view them as flaws herself, but to me they will simply be apart of who she is.

This life was meant to be discovered, it was not all meant to be layed out for us in one draw of the cards. In the simplest of ways, love may very well be trial and error. Do not view every relationship you encounter as a checklist of what you want/need and do not want/need. View each relationship as a growing experience, because just as you learn what type of person you want to love and spend the rest of your life with, you must also learn how to properly love the person you want to spend forever with. Because as my great friend Brandon Nye explained to me, love is an action. In every relationship, you do what you do because you love. Love is an action. And you must learn what actions must be taken in order to provide the perfect love for the one you believe deserves it– and you.

You should be able to say, “I do what I do, because I love.”

Referencing back to my initial statement that we have entirely misconceived the idea of self-worth — if you do not believe you deserve perfection, you will not receive perfection.
Because there is no perfect being, however there is a perfect love out there for you. Somebody will know how to admire you the way you’ve imagined it, but that will not persist unless the action is mutual, and you also have discovered what it means to love.

This is truly a difficult topic to tackle, and through what I’ve said, I hope you as the reader can at least retrieve the main point I am trying to relay here — you deserve nothing less than bliss.

And the moment you convince yourself of this truth, it will become a reality and you will begin to see that every person that comes into your life is there to help you grow. Whether they help you by doing you wrong, or by treating you right, you are one step closer to being able to find what it is that we are all searching for — happiness.

Those that actually take the time to read my articles, I hope you see that I do not know anything more than you do. I just want to show you that the answers have been inside of you all along.


 

Dear,

At this age, A large portion of us experience similar problems. Issues associated with young age, ignorance, confusion, and a simple lack of experience and exposure to this life. We act in ways that cause pain. We speak words that leave scars. We create true friendships that fade into dust. We live and we learn.

Some of us will be lucky enough to have the opportunity to make amends with our wrong doings. Others will carry them on their backs forever, and look back at those they’ve wronged from time to time, and wish there was a way to make things right.  It is vital for you to realize that people do move on, time will heal wounds, and others will come along and replace the void you left in their hearts. We are all just humans. We are not perfect, and we have not yet learned how to cause no wrong. The best we can do, is just try to make things right.

A Message to those I reflected my own insecurities upon:

The chain reaction of growing up in this society led me to transmit my own despair upon you. As a reaction to self-pity, and a misunderstanding of self-worth, I spoke hurtful words to you or behind your back – I embarrassed you in front of others and joined them in their laughter – and I refused to stand up for you when others acted upon the creation of my exposure. I hope you have realized that we are all simply children lost in the conflict of trying to fit in. 

A Message to that/those which pushed me further into the ground :

In the moment, your presence was strangling. It felt as if I would never get back up, and if I did, I would be paralyzed from the heart down. We resist your suppression for as long as this life allows us to, some may persevere, others do fail. Regardless of your fate, you arise as a new person – a new being undoubtedly stronger, wiser, and more fierce than before. This is not a message of anger, this is a message of thanks. 

A Message to my family:

You are there from the very beginning, and like a friend that doesn’t know when to back away, you have always been there to push me over the edge when I’m upset, but also to fall into when there is no one else. We are sorry for not appreciating you more when we would come home from school and you would ask us what we learned today, because there truly was so much to say. We would not be here at this moment in time without the iron casing that wraps a family together, the one truly unbreakable bond in this life. Family.

A Message to those I’ve loved:

Who is to say what defines love. It is malleable in its definition, because love cannot decide for itself whether it is governed by evil, or fueled by the goodness of nature. We will love and we will learn, and we will resent it’s happening, and crave its future. If there is one fact about love, it must be that one cannot love another until one learns to love themselves. So many are forced into skipping this preliminary, due to countless variables that lead to one misunderstanding the concept of their own self-worth. But one day you will find someone who appreciates you in your entirety, that someone simply was not me. Love finds its way into those that never stop believing it is there. Love is the only thing that matters in this world. 

Finally,

A Message to my true friends:

Have you ever truly stepped back and pictured yourself moving along in this life by yourself. Life would be empty. There would be no one to philosophize with, no one to discuss the questions that cannot be answered, and the answers that we stand to question. There would be no one to laugh with, to share pain with, and to be fucking weird with. We are products of our environment, and when you surround yourself with a group of kids who stand to empower one another, with no incentive, no driving force, no possible explanation why, something incredible happens. A bond is formed, a bond that results in a special type of person. A person that can sympathize with pain, justify wrongdoings, decipher right from wrong, and most of all — a person that can love. Friendship and love are the only things that matter in this world, because they are the same. It is a mutual respect, an intertwining of moral beliefs, and a realization that we are all simply human.