I believe one of the most prevalent issues with this generation revolves around relationships. Not just romantic ones, but all relationships in general. The issue stems from a misunderstanding of self-worth.
I am not sure where this synthesized from, but it seems as if most people, when they find themselves dug into a toxic relationship, relentlessly try and fix the relationship, handing out chance after chance to someone who obviously isn’t treating them right. This is true in friendships and relationships, and it happens because we are scared to remove a part of our lives in fear of what life would be like without this person, even though that person has not created any positive memories in recent times. Instead, we fight to recover the past and fail to see that the bridge you once crossed has long been destroyed.
We’ve all seen friends get into a long relationship and they disconnect themselves from the world with their significant other. And as time goes on they begin to experience doubt, and since they’ve long pushed away their friends, they realize that if they were to end their current relationship — they would have no one. Therefore, they decide to just deal with it. They convince themselves that they are happy enough. That they can live comfortably. They convince themselves that this is the life I deserve. They settle.
They look at their partner and can knock out point after point, describing each and every single aspect of that person that bothers them. They can list what is wrong with their relationship. And they can throw it around and point out the exact flaws their partner sees in them. And they just deal with it, because we convince ourselves that what we have is just enough.
For some people a life of that sort is fine. It is not bad. It could be worst. But who in their right mind strives for a life of mediocrity? But the idea of being alone, and discovering what else is out there — who else is out there — requires too much effort and risks too much pain for some people.
I’ve always been told that love hurts.
What? What kind of love is this referring too?
Love should not hurt. Love, if anything, should feel so pure that it hurts your head just thinking about it. But what do I know right? I’m only 20…
But I’ve loved before, I’ve seen just how high it can take you. And there was never any pain– until it was over. So if love only hurts when it ends… well
We’ve given up on this idea of a perfect friendship and I believe it has occurred because people have edged away from the idea of being alone and actually being patient in waiting for that person to come into their lives. Instead, it is a constant search of terrified, heartbroken young adults running around thinking that each person that actually looks into their eyes is their soulmate.
You must view your heart like any other muscle. Just like any other muscle, in order for it to grow and become stronger, it must be broken down. Your puny heart at the age of 18 is not ready to accept the enormous and powerful eternal type of love that we all desire.
But we find ourselves in love at such a young age, and we either leave heartbroken and too scared to ever open our hearts again, or we convince ourselves that this very first person you’ve expressed love towards is the one you are prepared to love through sickness and in health for the rest of your life.
What you must realize is, is that when you know you are in love, you must see that it may very well be true love. And you must live, breathe, and learn about the feelings and the relationship that is created, and relish every moment of it. You must also see that neither you nor your significant other knows what the future may hold, and visualize the fact that your fate is not determined by anything else other than each other’s desires. And when the time comes, and if your heart no longer craves what it did before, you must make the conscious decision for the both of you — to move on.
Because there are settlers, and there are discoverers.
A settler will refuse to risk heartbreak and may use the excuse that they don’t want to hurt the other person involved by ending it. Which is just a phony statement risen from fear. A settler will accept issues, not fix them. A settler will see flaws because to them their partner’s issues will be seen as flaws.
A discoverer will one day find someone with no flaws. We’ve been told that we must learn to accept one’s flaws in order to truly love someone. Ok? But my soulmate has no flaws. She may view them as flaws herself, but to me, they will simply be apart of who she is.
This life was meant to be discovered, it was not all meant to be laid out for us in one draw of the cards. In the simplest of ways, love may very well be trial and error. Do not view every relationship you encounter as a checklist of what you want/need and do not want/need. View each relationship as a growing experience, because just as you learn what type of person you want to love and spend the rest of your life with, you must also learn how to properly love the person you want to spend forever with. Because as my great friend Brandon Nye explained to me, love is an action. In every relationship, you do what you do because you love. Love is an action. And you must learn what actions must be taken in order to provide the perfect love for the one you believe deserves it– and you.
You should be able to say, “I do what I do because I love.”
Referencing back to my initial statement that we have entirely misconceived the idea of self-worth — if you do not believe you deserve perfection, you will not receive perfection.
Because there is no perfect being, however, there is a perfect love out there for you. Somebody will know how to admire you the way you’ve imagined it, but that will not persist unless the action is mutual, and you also have discovered what it means to love.
This is truly a difficult topic to tackle, and through what I’ve said, I hope you as the reader can at least retrieve the main point I am trying to relay here — you deserve nothing less than bliss.
And the moment you convince yourself of this truth, it will become a reality and you will begin to see that every person that comes into your life is there to help you grow. Whether they help you by doing you wrong, or by treating you right, you are one step closer to being able to find what it is that we are all searching for — happiness.
Those that actually take the time to read my articles, I hope you see that I do not know anything more than you do. I just want to show you that the answers have been inside of you all along.