If you pay attention when you are talking to someone face to face, you can notice and detect the barrier they’ve put up. The lining they’ve created in an attempt to project themselves in an alternative way. You can hear the unnecessary enthusiasm in their responses to your statements, you can see the disappointment in their eyes when discussing something like school, or their job, or their relationships. It is all so noticeable, but that’s okay. Life is hard — without the ability to pretend the world would be tainted with regret, heartbreak, fear, and sadness.
Why do we lie to ourselves though? If someone asks if you are okay, and you really aren’t, sure — just say you are fine. But when you look yourself in the eyes, when you do what all humans do and think about your life, your path, who you are — why lie to yourself?
How can you expect to grow if you don’t build on the things that are truly weak inside of you? Kids make it so obvious when they are hurting — how many times have you seen someone recently come to the end of a relationship, and suddenly they have to tweet to the world, “Wow I haven’t been this happy in so long.” Why do that? Why lie to yourself in an attempt ( and probable success ) to hurt the other person involved– but more importantly, why hurt yourself?
Don’t sit there and ignore the aspects of your life that tear you apart when you are all alone in your room at night. Don’t text someone you think cares about you and complain or whine or pretend. Cause and effect is a very simple idea that most of us learned very early in life. Something is causing you to not be satisfied with your life, something is causing you to project your fears to the unknowing ( and uncaring ) world using a fake persona. Something is wrong — and do not think finding a boy or girl to love you or suck away your problems is the answer — the answer can only be discovered by yourself.
Take the time to figure yourself out. Discover the variables that cause negative effects upon your life — and fucking fix it. It is your life, and once you graduate high school, there are no longer any excuses. You may not have full control of every aspect of your life — but you have an all access pass to your brain — the catalyst to who you are. For the longest time I felt sorry for myself. In all aspects of my life I’d look at myself and just question what (who) I was looking at, I wasn’t really a fan. A combination of my appearance, my stature, and simply where I was leading myself in life. I could look at myself and smile, but the smile seemed so forced — I wanted to figure out how to look at myself at genuinely be impressed.
This goes way beyond appearance, being happy with how you look is definitely an important thing, but eventually I had to realize that mentally I was not who I wanted to be. Not to say that I am done growing, but now I can say I believe I’m on the right path. During my freshman year of college I spent so much time alone with my thoughts — a thing that really scares a lot of people. But I think because people run from silence and time to think, they miss the opportunity to pinpoint what truly is holding them back from a healthy, happy life.
I realized that my emotions were being so heavily controlled by outside sources — twitter, instagram, snapchat — I would constantly be looking at other people’s lives ( their fake lives ), and seeing someone partying or having fun or flirting would cause me to feel just off. I almost became envious of people I hardly knew, or didn’t know at all, because I would question my life ( as I sat in my dorm room on a Friday night playing video games and doing homework ), and wonder why I’m not living the lives these other people are living.
Thankfully I was able to realize this, and I dropped off of social media for a short while because it was time to focus on my own life. Doing so enabled me to quit comparing my life to that of others, and it directed me back to the fact that really I couldn’t be in any better spot in life. I had a 4.0 GPA, I had great friends around me, and everything really was fine. But because people live glorified lifestyles and portray these false personalities to the world, it causes others to believe that their life is not up to par– and simply it is not true.
I find it fucking hilarious when I meet someone for the first time that I’ve been following on twitter, and I see them at a party and they are boring as SHIT. The party hasn’t even begun yet and they are already taking snapchats of themselves looking like they are the life of the party…while they sit there… talking to no one… wearing their fake persona for the world to see. These people are like those fake Ray bans you can buy in Mexico for 10 dollars, they look the same as real Ray bans, but really they are a piece of shit.
Live your life up to your own standards. Be your own damn person. Every friend group I see these days are a bunch of fucking clones of each other. Create your own trends. Express your own thoughts. Stop pretending to yourself and leave the fake persona at home, cause those that are really paying attention can see through your 10 dollar Ray bans.